I know it's late and I should be sleeping since I'm getting up at 5:45, but there's no way I'll fall asleep anytime soon. I had my final goodbye party with my friends tonight. When the time came to say goodbye (to most of them) I really didn't think I would be able to cry. I just wasn't in a crying mood. But once I was alone in my room with one of my closest friends, we both broke down before we (or at least I) knew what was happening. My mind hasn't processed the fact that I'm leaving, but my emotions sure have.
Every little thing is a source of nostalgia- the shower, the chair I'm sitting in, my pajamas, the Harry Potter book on desk. Of course, I'm still ridiculously excited, I'm just realizing how much I love my life and how much I'll miss it. It's a hard thing.
But when this year is over, I'll have a whole other world to love and to call home.
Today's Song: "You'll Be in My Heart" by Phil Collins and Glenn Cose
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rzb0DhqI-Kw
Yours,
Anne
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Last Day
Today is my last day at home. This morning I woke up at 5:45 and went with some friends to get donuts then watch the sunrise at the local soccer fields. It was amazing. I can't think of a better way to spend my last free morning here.
I spent the rest of the morning thrift shopping with friends, playing cards, and saying a few goodbyes.
It's cool because today is the fourth anniversary of the day I first met Camilla (from Germany who inspired me to do this). Shout out to you, Camilla!
My bags are packed, I got my boarding passes and charged my iPod...it's time to go!
Let's see, what else...I went to Walmart for the last time today.
Anyways, after 425982374923759 years of waiting, the day is finally almost here. THANK THE LORD. I'm pretty sure tonight will be even longer than 425982374923759 (Would you believe I just typed that out instead of copying and pasting because I was too lazy to pick my hands up off the keyboard?) years, but I'll make it.
It still hasn't hit me yet, what's happening, maybe a plane ride and some U2 will trigger a realization.
I promise this blog will get way more interesting ("I went to Walmart for the last time today"?) when I'm actually being an exchange student and whatnot. So hang in there!
Today's Song: "On My Way" by Phil Collins
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlwU5IVd66A
Yours truly,
Anne
The sunrise this morning
.JPG)
My little sisters vandalized our new fence for me.
And just to be thorough...
Really thorough.
I love those kiddos.
I spent the rest of the morning thrift shopping with friends, playing cards, and saying a few goodbyes.
It's cool because today is the fourth anniversary of the day I first met Camilla (from Germany who inspired me to do this). Shout out to you, Camilla!
My bags are packed, I got my boarding passes and charged my iPod...it's time to go!
Let's see, what else...I went to Walmart for the last time today.
Anyways, after 425982374923759 years of waiting, the day is finally almost here. THANK THE LORD. I'm pretty sure tonight will be even longer than 425982374923759 (Would you believe I just typed that out instead of copying and pasting because I was too lazy to pick my hands up off the keyboard?) years, but I'll make it.
It still hasn't hit me yet, what's happening, maybe a plane ride and some U2 will trigger a realization.
I promise this blog will get way more interesting ("I went to Walmart for the last time today"?) when I'm actually being an exchange student and whatnot. So hang in there!
Today's Song: "On My Way" by Phil Collins
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlwU5IVd66A
Yours truly,
Anne
The sunrise this morning
.JPG)
My little sisters vandalized our new fence for me.
And just to be thorough...
Really thorough.
Monday, July 29, 2013
10 Days
I leave in ten days. Every time I tell myself this I just start laughing. This is so crazy.
My extended family goodbye party was yesterday. My aunt made me a Christmas tree shaped cake with birthday candles on it to make up for the celebrations I'll be missing while I'm gone, and all my relatives gave me Christmas and birthday gifts (money sneakily wrapped in boxes and bags). And so I spent one last Sunday on the river surrounded by the smells of beer and hot dogs and regular dogs.
But saying goodbye wasn't emotional or hard really because this just doesn't feel real. The whole time I was trying to get it into my head that I wouldn't be seeing those people for the next ten months, but I just couldn't. In fact, I only started getting sad when I had to say goodbye to my grandparents' fourteen year-old chocolate lab who is going to be put to sleep this week...
In other news, I picked up a few extra little things for my host family today. Their gifts include: a book about my hometown, a CD of classic southern American music, a razorback key chain/bottle opener (I'm from Arkansas), a deck of cards that say 'Arkansas' and have ducks and deer and some trees or something on them (I'm going to explain that Arkansas is filled with backwoods hill people who shoot things), and some candy (Skittles, Starbursts, Reeses Pieces).
There are lots of things to stress about, but of all of them what I'm dreading most right now is cleaning my room. But let's be honest; I'm probably just going to throw everything into random bags and boxes and tell my mom it's all stuff I want to keep. Yes, of course I want that blank, wrinkled sheet of graph paper and that Summit Bank piggy bank from 2nd grade.
I'm sooooo close to what I've been waiting for for sooooo long that I've become a little bit paranoid. I keep thinking that it's too amazing; something bad is going to happen to keep me from going. But all I have to do is survive the next ten days. I've been extra careful lately when crossing the street or driving or walking through my room in the dark.
Well, wish me luck! Next time I write, I will be in thousands of miles from home surrounded by strangers!
Just kidding, I'll post again before I leave.
Today's Song: "Death" by White Lies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTh9IuSTOY0
Sincerely,
Anne
Here's my fabulous cake!
My extended family goodbye party was yesterday. My aunt made me a Christmas tree shaped cake with birthday candles on it to make up for the celebrations I'll be missing while I'm gone, and all my relatives gave me Christmas and birthday gifts (money sneakily wrapped in boxes and bags). And so I spent one last Sunday on the river surrounded by the smells of beer and hot dogs and regular dogs.
But saying goodbye wasn't emotional or hard really because this just doesn't feel real. The whole time I was trying to get it into my head that I wouldn't be seeing those people for the next ten months, but I just couldn't. In fact, I only started getting sad when I had to say goodbye to my grandparents' fourteen year-old chocolate lab who is going to be put to sleep this week...
In other news, I picked up a few extra little things for my host family today. Their gifts include: a book about my hometown, a CD of classic southern American music, a razorback key chain/bottle opener (I'm from Arkansas), a deck of cards that say 'Arkansas' and have ducks and deer and some trees or something on them (I'm going to explain that Arkansas is filled with backwoods hill people who shoot things), and some candy (Skittles, Starbursts, Reeses Pieces).
There are lots of things to stress about, but of all of them what I'm dreading most right now is cleaning my room. But let's be honest; I'm probably just going to throw everything into random bags and boxes and tell my mom it's all stuff I want to keep. Yes, of course I want that blank, wrinkled sheet of graph paper and that Summit Bank piggy bank from 2nd grade.
I'm sooooo close to what I've been waiting for for sooooo long that I've become a little bit paranoid. I keep thinking that it's too amazing; something bad is going to happen to keep me from going. But all I have to do is survive the next ten days. I've been extra careful lately when crossing the street or driving or walking through my room in the dark.
Well, wish me luck! Next time I write, I will be in thousands of miles from home surrounded by strangers!
Just kidding, I'll post again before I leave.
Today's Song: "Death" by White Lies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTh9IuSTOY0
Sincerely,
Anne
Here's my fabulous cake!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Host Family
I have actual news this time. I got my host family! Last week...but I was too lazy to write about it until now. Anyway, I will be living in a small village near Bonn with a mom and dad, a 16 year-old brother, and a 14 year-old sister. They sound like a great family, and I can't wait to meet them! For now though, they are only planning on hosting me for the first semester. I leave in exactly three weeks, which is obviously completely insane, but at the same time, it's hard to imagine waiting even that long. Buuuuut at the same time I feel like there is SO much left to do before I leave.
In other news, someone broke into my house and stole my camera charger and a half-empty pack of gum. Or so I suspect. After an extremely thorough search for the aforementioned items proved fruitless, this is the conclusion I've had to draw. Thankfully my Amazon Prime thirty day free trial hasn't run out, so I was able to replace the charger without much loss, but the gum cannot be replaced because where, I ask you, can one buy a half-empty pack of gum?
Despite these troubles, I am on the brink of the greatest adventure of my life so far, and I've realized just how blessed I am, in every way, not just in this. Hopefully this will be the first step away from mediocrity, away from being average, away from unfulfilled dreams and abandoned goals, things I've always feared, and the first step toward something beyond a normal, domestic life, toward making a difference and leaving my mark on the world. Finally, I can begin to truly use the abilities I've been given. I feel like I've been waiting for this forever, and I couldn't be more ready.
Today's Song: "Beautiful Day" by U2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXllELarVAY
Yours truly,
Anne
In other news, someone broke into my house and stole my camera charger and a half-empty pack of gum. Or so I suspect. After an extremely thorough search for the aforementioned items proved fruitless, this is the conclusion I've had to draw. Thankfully my Amazon Prime thirty day free trial hasn't run out, so I was able to replace the charger without much loss, but the gum cannot be replaced because where, I ask you, can one buy a half-empty pack of gum?
Despite these troubles, I am on the brink of the greatest adventure of my life so far, and I've realized just how blessed I am, in every way, not just in this. Hopefully this will be the first step away from mediocrity, away from being average, away from unfulfilled dreams and abandoned goals, things I've always feared, and the first step toward something beyond a normal, domestic life, toward making a difference and leaving my mark on the world. Finally, I can begin to truly use the abilities I've been given. I feel like I've been waiting for this forever, and I couldn't be more ready.
Today's Song: "Beautiful Day" by U2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXllELarVAY
Yours truly,
Anne
Saturday, July 6, 2013
"Are You Excited?"
So, I just feel like writing a blog post, but I didn't know what I wanted to write about...then I realized this is the perfect opportunity to clarify something that a lot of people seem to be unsure of.
YES. I AM EXCITED.
You see, every time-
EVERY TIME.
I talk to someone about my upcoming year as an exchange student, they ask the same question.
"Are you excited?"
Huh. A thought-provoking question. At first, I was just like "Yeah! Very!" and didn't even think about the silliness of that particular inquiry, but after the first 30-40 times answering it, I starting really thinking about it and wondering what else these questioners could possibly think I would answer with...
Hmm. I've wanted to be an exchange student since sixth grade. I've wanted this specific scholarship since seventh grade. I worked extremely hard to get it. I saved all my money ever for this year. I'm going to Germany. For a year. I will have new friends, family, FOOD, home, experiences, etc. I will learn a new language. This is, by definition, the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me.
Nah, not excited.
No offense, to anyone who has asked me this question, I'm sure you were just fulfilling societal conversational expectations. But next time, don't be afraid to get creative.
And, going along with the theme of excitement, my 'Excited Song' (what I listen to when I'm excited).
Today's song: "I Love It" by Icona Pop (feat. Charlie XCX)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_FrF4b4Rf4
Bye!
Anne
YES. I AM EXCITED.
You see, every time-
EVERY TIME.
I talk to someone about my upcoming year as an exchange student, they ask the same question.
"Are you excited?"
Huh. A thought-provoking question. At first, I was just like "Yeah! Very!" and didn't even think about the silliness of that particular inquiry, but after the first 30-40 times answering it, I starting really thinking about it and wondering what else these questioners could possibly think I would answer with...
Hmm. I've wanted to be an exchange student since sixth grade. I've wanted this specific scholarship since seventh grade. I worked extremely hard to get it. I saved all my money ever for this year. I'm going to Germany. For a year. I will have new friends, family, FOOD, home, experiences, etc. I will learn a new language. This is, by definition, the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me.
Nah, not excited.
No offense, to anyone who has asked me this question, I'm sure you were just fulfilling societal conversational expectations. But next time, don't be afraid to get creative.
And, going along with the theme of excitement, my 'Excited Song' (what I listen to when I'm excited).
Today's song: "I Love It" by Icona Pop (feat. Charlie XCX)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_FrF4b4Rf4
Bye!
Anne
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Update
It's been a while since I posted anything, so I thought it was time I wrote an update. When something as exciting as crazy as getting a scholarship to spend a year abroad happens, you feel like you will never be bored again, like your life has reached a state of permanent interest, but now that this effect has worn off, things have actually been pretty dull. But there have been several developments in the preparation process to share.
For one thing, I got my debit/credit card after about nine (probably two) hours at the bank. So that was pretty cool...yep. But it seriously is nice to have one more thing checked off the to-do list.
I have also been working on my packing skills. My first attempt was a bit of a mess, quite literally. I pulled half the clothes out of my closet, crammed about half of them in suitcases, and realized packing was going to be a lot harder than I had thought, then was so overcome with exhaustion that I couldn't even bring myself to unpack the bags or put up my clothes. So I shoved them to the floor and took a nap.
After a few days of having my bedroom floor covered a foot deep in clothes, shoes, and other rubbish, I finally worked up the energy to do some cleaning, but I wasn't too eager for another trial pack until my mom volunteered to help. Miraculously we (she) succeeded in fitting everything I needed in my bags and weighing in under 50 pounds. BOOM.
Things are looking much better in the language department. Duolingo really is freaking awesome. I feel like my German skills are truly improving, slowly, but surely. Or at least I did, till I sent my German friend, Camilla a message in German, and she replied that my German was 'amazinnggg but soooooooo funny oh my god'. I should've told her I didn't know 'amazing' had two 'n's and three 'g's. She said she literally 'laughed so hard' and told me I was 'so adorable'. Okay, Camilla. I should remind her that there was a time when she said 'littlier', called corn 'mice', and pronounced 'bear' 'beer'. But I can't be mad at her; for one thing I love her too much, but more importantly it would be hypocritical of me. It's only fair she have a good laugh considering my reactions to some of her more amusing language faux pas. And it probably was pretty funny.
Only 36 days left. I know it's only a little over a month, and I've already waited 111 days, and people keep saying, "Oh, it'll be here before you know it", but NO. This is a myth. Time is sloooooowly craaaaawling by. It feels like it will never get here. Still, I can think of a lot of numbers more intimidating than 36. 52, for example. I'm just trying to stay active, busy (she writes as she listens to the New Moon soundtrack on loop and watches starts another episode of Switched at Birth).
My mom just came in my room carrying a jacket and told me to wear it next time I took a shower so I could see if it was very waterproof.. But, I mean, hey, we have to find out somehow.
Anyway.
I've done a lot of preparatory shopping (just like ordinary shopping, but I only buy neutral colored clothes because it's Europe we're talking about). In fact, I've done a bit too much shopping. All preparatorially, of course, but I've had to put a hold on my finances for the moment nonetheless, just as a precaution.
Well, I guess the point of all this is...inconclusive. But life goes on. Time does pass, though the rate varies. And really, I should be glad time is creeping along, because time is the one thing we can never get back once it's gone, the one thing we can never get more of, and therefore the most valuable thing there is...SO JUST BE HAPPY!!!
Today's song: "Vienna" by Billy Joel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZdiXvDU4P0
Yours truly,
Anne
For one thing, I got my debit/credit card after about nine (probably two) hours at the bank. So that was pretty cool...yep. But it seriously is nice to have one more thing checked off the to-do list.
I have also been working on my packing skills. My first attempt was a bit of a mess, quite literally. I pulled half the clothes out of my closet, crammed about half of them in suitcases, and realized packing was going to be a lot harder than I had thought, then was so overcome with exhaustion that I couldn't even bring myself to unpack the bags or put up my clothes. So I shoved them to the floor and took a nap.
After a few days of having my bedroom floor covered a foot deep in clothes, shoes, and other rubbish, I finally worked up the energy to do some cleaning, but I wasn't too eager for another trial pack until my mom volunteered to help. Miraculously we (she) succeeded in fitting everything I needed in my bags and weighing in under 50 pounds. BOOM.
Things are looking much better in the language department. Duolingo really is freaking awesome. I feel like my German skills are truly improving, slowly, but surely. Or at least I did, till I sent my German friend, Camilla a message in German, and she replied that my German was 'amazinnggg but soooooooo funny oh my god'. I should've told her I didn't know 'amazing' had two 'n's and three 'g's. She said she literally 'laughed so hard' and told me I was 'so adorable'. Okay, Camilla. I should remind her that there was a time when she said 'littlier', called corn 'mice', and pronounced 'bear' 'beer'. But I can't be mad at her; for one thing I love her too much, but more importantly it would be hypocritical of me. It's only fair she have a good laugh considering my reactions to some of her more amusing language faux pas. And it probably was pretty funny.
Only 36 days left. I know it's only a little over a month, and I've already waited 111 days, and people keep saying, "Oh, it'll be here before you know it", but NO. This is a myth. Time is sloooooowly craaaaawling by. It feels like it will never get here. Still, I can think of a lot of numbers more intimidating than 36. 52, for example. I'm just trying to stay active, busy (she writes as she listens to the New Moon soundtrack on loop and watches starts another episode of Switched at Birth).
My mom just came in my room carrying a jacket and told me to wear it next time I took a shower so I could see if it was very waterproof.. But, I mean, hey, we have to find out somehow.
Anyway.
I've done a lot of preparatory shopping (just like ordinary shopping, but I only buy neutral colored clothes because it's Europe we're talking about). In fact, I've done a bit too much shopping. All preparatorially, of course, but I've had to put a hold on my finances for the moment nonetheless, just as a precaution.
Well, I guess the point of all this is...inconclusive. But life goes on. Time does pass, though the rate varies. And really, I should be glad time is creeping along, because time is the one thing we can never get back once it's gone, the one thing we can never get more of, and therefore the most valuable thing there is...SO JUST BE HAPPY!!!
Today's song: "Vienna" by Billy Joel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZdiXvDU4P0
Yours truly,
Anne
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Endings and Beginnings
So many chapters of my life are ending right now, and so many 'last's' are happening. My freshman year of high school is over. Never again will I pass my senior-or junior, for that matter- friends in the halls at school. Last night I ate my last dinner with my full family before I get back from Germany due to summer plans. Tomorrow will be the last time all four Paul sisters are together until, once again, I get back from Germany. Tonight I attended my last American high school event for over a year, and my last ever with one of my closest friends who is a senior. And on top of it all, the last ever episode of "The Office" was aired. The nostalgia brought on by all of this is overwhelming.
But then...at the same time, with every ending comes a beginning. Summer is just starting and then my sophomore year is waiting not too far ahead. When I get back from Germany, my sister Leslie will be entering her ninth grade year, and we will be in the same school for the first time since elementary. Who knows, maybe we'll be friends ;) And I can't wait to hear all about my older friends' college experiences. Before I know it, I will be eating dinner with a new family, my new family. I might have new siblings, and I will have a whole new, probably very different, high school where I will make many lifelong friends, I'm sure. All of this because, most importantly, in 70 days I will be leaving my home to begin a long journey that already has, and will continue to change my life.
Sometimes when I think back on good memories, times I can never go back to, I can get pretty depressed, but that's life, so the best thing you can do is force yourself not to dwell on the past, or even too much on the future, but to live in the present, because it's really all you have. You can't relive moments, and you can't live in the future, because it doesn't exist; it's just something we call time that hasn't happened yet, and when it does happen, it is the present. You will always be in the present. Every moment you are living is your life, so don't just let things happen, make things happen, so that when you do look back, it won't be with regret.
Today's Song: "Be Still" by The Killers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IM3-AWhmI6w
Yours,
Anne
But then...at the same time, with every ending comes a beginning. Summer is just starting and then my sophomore year is waiting not too far ahead. When I get back from Germany, my sister Leslie will be entering her ninth grade year, and we will be in the same school for the first time since elementary. Who knows, maybe we'll be friends ;) And I can't wait to hear all about my older friends' college experiences. Before I know it, I will be eating dinner with a new family, my new family. I might have new siblings, and I will have a whole new, probably very different, high school where I will make many lifelong friends, I'm sure. All of this because, most importantly, in 70 days I will be leaving my home to begin a long journey that already has, and will continue to change my life.
Sometimes when I think back on good memories, times I can never go back to, I can get pretty depressed, but that's life, so the best thing you can do is force yourself not to dwell on the past, or even too much on the future, but to live in the present, because it's really all you have. You can't relive moments, and you can't live in the future, because it doesn't exist; it's just something we call time that hasn't happened yet, and when it does happen, it is the present. You will always be in the present. Every moment you are living is your life, so don't just let things happen, make things happen, so that when you do look back, it won't be with regret.
Today's Song: "Be Still" by The Killers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IM3-AWhmI6w
Yours,
Anne
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